tacklecamp

This is all Tze Horng's idea.
Having an accountabilitty blog, that is.
Which is why a) it is so plain
and b) i'm actually having one.
i know i ought to go to blogskins.com and filtch off someone else's blog, but honestly, i doubt if i'll have the skill and patience to edit it.
so i'm sticking to a nice, green, simple one.

i just have to shout and sing and dance.
God is so great, so good, and so so so amazing.
i can't believe that i'm so blessed, i actually have the privilege to stand in his presence, and talk to him like i would a father.
i think that "great change" happened on the second and last night of camp.
Pastor B's message on being radically changed struck something, in me.
For the first time in a long long time, i yearned and longed to be in his presence, to be anointed by him.
And then i felt so wretched. i mean, i've sinned so much, i've delibrately turned away formr QT so many times, i've placed him last each day, when i was too tired to listen, too tired to really absorb.
And when worship started, and Jonas told us to worship in the way we felt most comfortable, i just HAD to go on my knees. i felt so peaceful, so JOYOUS, and yet, in a way, so wretched and humbled. i thank God for reminding me what it is like to be in his presence, to actually feel him there, inside me, beside me, surrounding me.
After that, i was just intoxicated witht joy. i never ever want to step out of God's presence. it's so sweet, so wonderous to be there, enveloped by Christ's sweet fragrance.

psalms 63:1
O God, you are MY God,
Earnestly i seek you,
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I also learnt to TRUST GOD. just trust him with the simple faith that everything would right itself, and that everything was happening for some great, divine purpose. LORD. i love u. Thank you for showing me that your way is truly the BEST way, and that no other way will ever lead me to the JOY yu have stored for me. Even though i am sad that Nez was not able to share with me the joy of the Lord in this camp, i realise that God was teaching me to take that leap of faith, even without close friends by my side. had Nez been there, i'd have undoubtedly stuck to her. In her absence, i made wonderful friends with so many people that i would never have cared to know, in my small and claustrophobic world where i cling to the nearest and dearest around me, and forsake all others. i realised that truly, in each person, there is something to be learnt from, there is something to admire, and something to aspire to become.

And i've realised another important thing. I LOVE my sister more than words can say. I love her so so much, and yet we fight, we quarrel over the simplest things. In this camp, God somehow gave me the strength and the love to look past her faults to see the girl that i love, the bubbly, cheerful, friendly, attractive, beautiful, athletic and taller girl that i often miss when i am angry. God made me see that so many younger siblings merely crave that same love, simple words of affection, words of encouragement, words that build up and strengthen. They just want someone to be proud of them, tot show them off to their friends, to make an effort to take care of their friends, to do some small and menial task for them, to take care of them, pop in to say good night. these past three days, when God removed my consciousness and constrain and allowed me to show the love i feel, i've felt so blessed to ahve such a wonderful sister, someone to be proud of. I wish i could share with the world how simple, how easy it is to show what you feel, to LOVE. i'm not preaching, because i have no right to preach. i can't foresee the future, where i might say something hurtful to hurt those i love. But i can only aspire to live day by day, trusting in the Lord to renew my love for my sister, each day. because i never want to return to the days of "before", where my sister wrote on her cupboard "I HATE ALYCIA". i don't want her to rub it off now, because to me, it's become a reminder of what could happen if i didn't let my love for her shine through. I don't care what the world thinks of my radical ideas. because it doesn't matter anymore. what matters is that i speak "boldly and without hindrance" about the love and joy God has showed me.

i will:
keep up this accountability blog
memorise verses from psalms
LOVE my sister
seek God each and everyday, that he might become a constant whisper in my ear.