death

I just heard that a girl around my age passed away suddenly. her heart just stopped. Somehow, hearing of someone around your age dying really jarrs you, whether you know the person or not. It's like death has just slapped you on the face. We are nothing, mere vapours that float about, unsubstantial, temporal, to dissipate at sunrise.
I've heard friends say that they don't mind dying now, because, afterall, won't we be going to heaven? There is an ounce of truth in what they say, and I, being Christian, agree with that. Our lives on the earth are merely the foreword to the eternity we will spend in heaven, yet just as the foreword determines the value of the book, our lives here will be our ticket to eternity. What we do, our actions, our choices, they will all affect what becomes of us later on. And young as we all are, we have to realise that we don't have enough time.
I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of an "unlived life" to quote the Father Tuck (or whatever his name is) in Tucks Everlasting. I'm afraid that when i die, i will see all these empty spaces in my "schedule of life" that i could have used. Used to secure the salvation of another, or to ease one pain, no matter how temporal. One day, we will be judged for all we did, and what we get will be what we give. i dread facing eternity with nothing - but not just that empty-handedness that is material, but that hollow-heartedness that comes with the knowledge of a wasted life. How empty i would feel on judgement day, when i stand before God with an empty "portfolio of deeds", while all around me people bring theirs in cartloads.
Looking at my life now, i feel the urge to take an eraser and clear off all that wasted bits of life spent worrying over self, and fill it with kind thoughts and actions of others.
To the girl who has passed from this earth: thank you for your lesson on the fraility of our existence. I pray that you are in heaven, smiling at the life you left. I pray that your family will applaud heartily the life you led, and move on, leading theirs all the more wonderfully because of you.