e_god

Yesterday's service was truly one of a kind.
and in a very good sense.
I've never been to a more personal service before. Oh wait, i take that back. Well, the only time i've felt this one-to-one intimacy before was in St Andrew's in cotswold and in the middle of a lavender field in snowshill. It's one of those rare times when u commune with God, and you feel his presence- not around you, but in your inmost being.
When i first stepped in, i was a bit taken aback, and my first impulse was to spin around and walk out again. I was expecting a large, well-lit and/or noisy place, and all i got was this candle-lit small room with a handful of 15 to 20 people in attendance. And the music wasn't the usual tacklebox kind, with loud drums and guitars. This was quiet and restive, and for a lack of a better word, hymnal. Yet they weren't singing hymns.
And then i saw the four stations, although at first glance they REALLY reminded me of alters. But what could i do, my parents were already sitting, plus i was standing next to yong zhi, so walking out seemed... rude.
but then pastor kao spoke such a nice, succint message about experiencing God, and then we entered this time of personal reflection.
Have u ever tried scrutinizing urself? Whenever i do it, i always feel miserable and dejected and HOLE-y like this spoiled doll that's missing an eye or something.
Anyway, there were four stations, and i didn't feel like taking the initiative to go first, so i sat around staring into candles and reflecting. And i came to a conclusion that i have alot that i need help in. So i was feeling all dejected and depressed at the badness of me that when i approached my first station, i was a bit... startled. Cos there was this pile of pebbles, and this bucket of water, and this instruction sheet that told u to pick up a pebble and think of it as ur troubles, and then dunk it into the pail which is God. I could have SHOUTED for joy. Isn't God so GOOD? God's like this huge ocean, that takes ALL the pebbles you could possibly throw at him, and grinds them into fine sand.
Then next station had a mirror, and it told u to look at urself and like urself, as well as look at others and love them. it asked u to pray too christ that u would be more accepting of people who were hard to like. the third station was really nice. Cos pastor Lynette was there, and she prayed for you, in whatever areas you request. It was so NICE to have this pastor praying PERSONALLY for you, making you feel as if she really cared for you. ANd i skipped the last station, due to a lack of time. Then i went to the holy communion table, where pastor kao was having one to one holy communion with us. it was the most solemn yet joyful holy communion i'd ever had (except the one in israel, where we had it right in golgotha, and staring into the empty tomb and thinking: MY GOD IS RISEN!!). joyful because it was such a relief to LET GO of everything, and just TRUST and depend on him. Solemn because of the price he paid for me.