three years only

I have exactly three more years to get ready for medicine school. that is freaking me out. i went online to check out the entry requirements for the Association of American Medical Colleges or some AAMC thing and i downloaded the sample test. i was freaked out, because there are basically three parts in all: physical science, verbal reasoning and biological science. Verbal reasoning was basically english, so it was pretty alright. Biological science was okay, but i'm hoping that we'll cover what ever we need to learn by then.Then, i saw physical science and i totally flipped. there was this insane question on x-rays that sounded like something i wouldn't learn in JC. which goes to show that my physics has got to buck up. i think i'll have to go to tuition, cos my school teacher does not seem to convey the basics of physics adequately for me. and the rest of the class. and level. ah well.

I have to say that i HATE skipping trainings. No, i'm not some kind of a psychotic whacker who suffers withdrawal symptoms when seated for longer than 2 hours. okay, so i do suffer from withdrawal symptoms akin to falling unconscious when i sit down for too long. But it's not like i DIE when i don't train for a week. i do die, though when i come back after missing three weeks of training. Today's training was SO EASY i can't believe i had chest/lung pain and became dizzy and had to stop. It's so stupid. I train, and i improve. then i fall sick/ go on a holiday, and when i come back, i'm back to square one! It's frustrating, and if God hadn't placed me in track ON PURPOSE for his great design, i'd have quit last year. Also because i'm egoistic and can't bear the thought that i actually quit at something. I think i have some ego disease or something, that makes me NEVER give up, even though i've well passed the point where most sensible people actually DARE to quit. But part of me knows God wanted me in track, and i am determined to find out just what. Maybe he's preparing me for something BIGGER and more patience-trying, determination-taking, physically-exhausting experience ahead. Things don't just happen by accident, neither is it just Bad Luck. For some reason, God wants me in track. maybe it's so that i could meet joy, this wonderful christian senior whose determination and will power and Godliness has inspired me so so much. When she knew that i was a christian and that i was depressed about training, she wrote this wonderful note that has encouraged me so much. She's right, i do have to find the simple joy of running again.

Lord, help me to persevere no matter what. Help me to do my utmost best to study for the end-of-years, and help me to train up for this year's X-country, or for the NZ adventure camp. Help me to run the race with all my might, and help me to always seek you for comfort and joy and peace, even as i try to follow your will. Help me to "be joyful always" and be a light unto the world.